January can be a rough month. We are rising out of all the stress of the holidays, adjusting to a more regular work schedule, perhaps dealing with consequences from the holidays financially, emotionally, or physically, and still have short daylight hours to contend with. That is all challenging enough, but then we sprinkle on all the media messages about New Year’s resolutions and cries of “A New Year, A New You!” and I’m calling bullshit.
I don’t want to speak for you, but I’m going to take a guess that you do not need something else in your life to beat yourself up about. Am I right? I know it is certainly true for me. I do not have hard numbers to back me up, but I feel safe in saying that most traditional New Year’s resolutions fail. So why set yourself up for failure? Be radical and set yourself up for success instead!
Let’s start by looking at the whole “new you” issue. There is no need for a new you! You are beautiful, worthy and wonderful just as you are at this very moment. Remember that! Put a sticky note on your bathroom mirror reminding you of that if you need. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Life is not static. It is ever-changing, ever-evolving. Given that, there is of course always room for change. But that change does not have to come from a place of “less than” or judgment. It should come from a place of positivity and support.
I feel one of the reasons for the high failure rate of resolutions is because the seeds are planted in a place of negativity and judgment. Think of it like planting the seed for a banana tree in the middle of a desert. There is no way a tropical, humidity loving plant is going to succeed, let alone thrive, in such an arid climate even if the temperatures are similar. We are often doing the same with our resolutions.
What would happen if instead of latching onto the resolutions the media tells us we should adopt, which let’s face it are designed to make us spend money in pursuit of goals that are often too rigid and unrealistic, we turned inwards and set intentions for our continuing evolution from a place of self-compassion?
What would that look like to you? What would that feel like to you? To me, personally, intentions are goal feelings and sensations. A little more subjective than resolutions. Not exactly measurable, but that makes them more flexible and adaptable and resilient.
They can act as a guidepost for daily life. When faced with decisions to make I can ask myself if saying yes will move me in the direction of my intentions or away from them. It creates space for things beyond your imagination to happen without the side helping of guilt or shame of not following through on your resolutions.
You can also use your intentions to set shorter-term SMART (Specific, Measureable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goals. Set quarterly, monthly, and/or weekly goals that move you in the direction of your intentions in each major pillar of your life. That is my plan for 2020. Each week and each month I plan to set some SMART goals in my home life, career, physical health, mental health, financial, and spiritual health followed up with weekly and monthly reflections that are focused primarily on the positive outcomes and lessons learned.
I plan to make a ritual or two out of setting my intentions. Creating a sacred space, lighting some candles, sitting down with my journal and favorite fountain pen and exploring my depths and sipping tea. Reflecting on what worked and didn't work from this past year and decade even and using that as a guidepost for my 2020 intentions. I may throw some cards (tarot and/or oracle). When I'm settled in on those ultimate feelings to aim for I'll start noting things in my bullet journal, including measurable and actionable steps I can take in the month of January.
How will you set your intentions for the coming year and/or decade? Or are you sticking with resolutions? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on resolutions vs. intentions.
Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash